Oh, it hurts to be this good

Fri, 05 Mar 2004 21:11:19 GMT

The time has come for colds and overcoats.
We're quiet on the ride, we're all just waiting to get home.
Another week away, my greatest fear.
I need the smell of summer,
I need its noises in my ears.
If looks could really kill, then my profession would be staring.
Please know we do this cause we care and not for the thrill.
Collect calls to home
To tell them that I realize that
Everyone who lives will someday die and die alone.

[Chorus:]
And we won't let you in.
Though we're down and out.
We won't let you in.

I wrote more postcards than hooks.
I read more maps than books.
Feel like every chance to leave
Is another chance I should have took.
Every minute is a mile.
I've never felt so hallow.
I'm an old abandoned church
With broken pews and empty aisles.
My secrets for a buck.
Watch me as I cut myself wide open on this stage.
Yes, I am paid to spill my guts.
I won't see home till spring.
Oh, I would kill for the Atlantic,
But I am paid to make girls panic
While I sing.

[Chorus]

And we won't let you in.
We don't want what isn't ours.
We won't let you in. You win.

And the coastline is quiet.
While we're quietly losing control.
Yes, we're silent but sure we inventened the cure
That will wash out my memories of her.
"The harpoon is loaded.
The cage is lowered.
The water is red."
Like you.
--Brand New - I Will Play My Game Beneath the Spin Light.

---

If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand. I hope you find out what you want. I already know what I am. And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again. And you can tell me how vile I already know that I am. I'll grow old and start acting my age. I'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate. A crown of gold. A heart that's harder than stone. And it hurts a whole lot, but it's missed when it's gone. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive. I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget. If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of the state. You can keep to yourself. I'll keep out of your way. And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down. Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out. It's cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room, when I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds. So call it quits or get a grip. Say you wanted a solution. You just wanted to be missed. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive. I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget... You are calm and reposed. Let your beauty unfold. Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones. Spring keeps you ever close. You are second hand smoke. You are so fragile and thin. Standing trial for your sins. Holding onto yourself the best you can. You are the smell before rain. You are the blood in my veins. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive. I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget.
--Brand New - The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot

yeah. a couple new songs of the week/month. sheesh. its been a while since ive updated this thing.

sorry to anyone who isnt seeing my new one. its really not that hard to find, but im still not going to just give out the link... yet.

so, anyways. Rec dance tonight. \m/ slow dance with someone. thats my goal.

Sun, 29 Feb 2004 17:55:05 GMT

list of people that i consider to be good friends (hingham people only)-

tommy r
steph s
steph s
greg r
christine e
sarah w
mckenzie l
rachel b
shelia a
jason c
drew m
alex c
deirdre s
katie m
ashley s
kevin r
aaron s
chris w
zach h
sarah g
jen q
kayla q
matt s

...that was harder than i thought.

for some reason, i bet that if nearly any of those people i listed had to do alist like this, they wouldnt include me.

so, tonight is the evanescence concert that i hate my parents about. fuck, im so pissed at them.

argh. lots of homework to do, mostly world geo. i really dont want to do it... but i will. later.

Quiz time.

Wed, 18 Feb 2004 21:21:56 GMT

You are Form 9, Vampire: The Undying.

"And The Vampire was all that remained on
the blood drowned creation. She attempted to
regrow life from the dead. But as she was
about to give the breath of life, she was
consumed in the flame of The Phoenix and the
cycle began again."

Some examples of the Vampire Form are Hades (Greek)
and Isis (Egyptian).
The Vampire is associated with the concept of
death, the number 9, and the element of fire.
Her sign is the eclipsed moon.

As a member of Form 9, you are a very realistic
individual. You may be a little idealistic,
but you are very grounded and down to earth.
You realize that not everything lasts, but you
savor every minute of the good times. While
you may sometimes find yourself lonely, you
have strong ties with people that will never be
broken. Vampires are the best friends to have
because they are sensible.

Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

***

Love. You Truly Desire Love. You long for someone
to hold you and take the pain away. You haven't
been in much relationships or you need to work
on how to handle them. You always seem lost in
a daydream about the person you care about
most.

PLEASE RATE

What Do You Truly Desire? *PICS*
brought to you by Quizilla

***

You are the silver moonlight. You have a deep soul.
Many people call you mysterious but they just
don't know you. You are often alone but shine
hope on every one else. People look up to you
and call to you for advice. You have been
betrayed but you have forgaven them. Your faith
in life has made you an inspiration to us all.
You are intelligent, quiet, beautiful, and
kind. You will become very sucessful. Your
dream career could maybe deal with the joy of
music. Keep up the spirit and let your mind
drift to the shining hope of the silver moon.

What shade of moonlight are you? (Boys or Girls)
brought to you by Quizilla

***

Snow Angel
Please rate this quiz I worked really hard on the
pics and everything thanks and I hope that you
have had fun

NEW!! Which Angel are you?(pics for anyone/14 outcomes!!)
brought to you by Quizilla

***

You are guided by water. You are generally calm and
peaceful, but you can be very destructive
without even realizing it.(Rate my test)

What force is your soul?
brought to you by Quizilla

//

You are guided by darkness. Chances are you are
depressed, or you just always see things in a
negative point of view. You sit back and take
everything in. You are the gentle giant. But
one day you will snap. (Rate my test)

What force is your soul?
brought to you by Quizilla

***

Seer

The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla

***

Your Heart is Grey

What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

***

Dark magician. You love the dark because of it's
beauty and just the life that no-one else sees.
Mysterious, calm, quiet... But that doesn't
mean you're not friendly!

Please rate ^^

What kind of dark person are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

***

And then quizilla started being a whore. More later, when quizilla gets back up, then i can get to the band quizzes. Dun dun dun.

Sun, 15 Feb 2004 00:44:41 GMT

1. I ____ Grant.
2. Grant is ____.
3. If I were alone in a room with Grant, I would _______.
4. I think Grant should _____.
5. Grant needs ______.
6. I want to _______ Grant.
7. If I used one word to describe Grant, it'd be ______.
8. I know that Grant likes ______.
9. When I think of Grant, I think of _______.
10. Someday, I think Grant will ________.
11. My favorite memory of Grant is _________.
12. Grant's best quality is ________.
13. Grant's worst quality is _______.

fill out please.

this post goes for hingham people only

Sat, 14 Feb 2004 03:17:13 GMT

i dont know whats wrong with me tonight. im just thinking.

i think i have friends. i know there are people who would call me their friend. but... its just like, there are always so many people before me. i am nobodies 'best friend'.

i want to be somebodies best friend. i want to be somebodies boyfriend. i want to somebodies real friend. most of these people i like to call my friends, i wouldnt tell a single thing about how i was feeling or anything.

i want somebody to think "i want to do something tonight," and when they think of someone to go out with, they think of me and call me.

there's an awful lot of breathing room, but i can hardly move.

i dont know why i just wrote that. i love that line though. and while im thinking about lyrics...

i think ive got a lot of friends,
but i dont hear from them.
whats another night all alone
when youre spending every day on your own?

Sat, 14 Feb 2004 00:06:16 GMT

"You know I have always wondered what people think of me. It's hard to think of what I look like to other people. I mean I have been looking out for my whole life. I'm not sure how to look in. I'm guessing most people don't even really see me at all. I'm kinda quiet unless I'm at home or just plain hyper. I would like to think i'm a nice person. I don't really recall doing anything too horrible. I think i'm pretty much just one of those people that you see everyday in school. A familiar face. When I pass by we might say hello and then move right along and think nothing of it really. If you know me better than you might have talked to me and noticed that I don't usually have too much to say and our conversations die pretty quick and all of a sudden we both have somewhere to go. If I open up more then you might see that I am not all that funny but I have my moments. I like to do random weird things like making strange noises or faces. If you are one of my friends I would hope you think I am a pretty good person. The fact that I have some friends must mean that I have done something right. There are many different reasons that people befriended me and I don't know them. I guess that one is going to have to be left for my friends to decide."

--angeleyes2854 AKA jamie morris.

that is, like... me. scary.

Wed, 11 Feb 2004 23:03:30 GMT

i got meself a new LJ.

i would say the username here, but there are a few people i would rather not have looking at the journal.

anyways, i already have the people i would tell added to my friends list. so you can just check your "friend of..." list and if you see a new screen name, its probably mine, and just add me back.

i also need a background/format for the new LJ. anyone help me?

Mon, 09 Feb 2004 23:35:23 GMT

i made SEMSBA!

WEEEEEEEEEEEE!

i cant believe i made it.

the only other person i heard was caroline (reddy), and i was blown away when she didnt make it.

anywho.

grammys last night. i convinced my parents to let me stay up til 10:30 or so. when i went to bed, i listened to the broadcast on mix 98.5 / the tv (my cd player can listen to tv stations).

i have a lit of homework to do. i dont feel like doing my math. or studying. so i guess i should... do something else.

later.

kaEDIT--

http://www.mtv.com/music/viewers_pick/

you = go there. you can see chris carrabba with long hair.

dont forget to vote!

(chris carrabba = dashboard confessional. its their new video for Rapid Hope Loss. check it out.)

Sat, 07 Feb 2004 20:01:57 GMT

weee. today was SEMSBA auditions. i actually think i did pretty good.

we left the high school at 8:45 AM to go to sharon high school for the auditions. for most of the time, i had the CD to the song we had to sing in, on repeat, and the sheet music so i could actually learn my part. katie hughes let me listen to simple plan for a while. i need to get that CD. anyways, we got there, and i was sort of confident that i knew my part.

all of the chorus people were herded into the auditorium. there was only... 6 of us (9 were supposed to be there) and i was the only baritone/male. there were four altos, and one soprano, caroline reddy. me and caroline were taken down one hallway when the people were ready for us.

it was pretty nervewracking waiting outside the door for the judges to call me in. there was a high school kid waiting to go in for his audition too who was really nice. he introduced himself to me, shook my hand, asked if i was nervous, wished me luck and all that... it actually made me feel a little bit better. then i went in, and i had to do a scale (do re mi fa so la ti do ti la so fa mi re do). then i did the song with the CD, and i only had a few wrong notes. i think im gonna make it.

after i came out, i hung out with caroline for a while. she was really nervous. when she went in, i stuck around and could hear here through the door, she was really good. she thought she did horribly, of course. then we walked down to the cafeteria, where we had to wait for everyone else to be done.

my basketball game was at 12:00, and it was already 11:00, so i figured i would call my parents and tell them that i wouldnt be able to make it to the game. when i called, i got my brother, and asked for dad. he said he wasnt there and gave it to mom. while i was talking, i was pacing, and i looked up and saw my dad was there, pacing along with me, just on the outside of the building (it was a window). so he drove me to my game and i got there right at the beginning, even though i would rather have stayed at the school til everyone left. oh well.

and we won our game, easily.

and now here i am. i might be going out later... given i could find someone to go with.

:shrug:

and bless you if you read that whole thing.

Fri, 06 Feb 2004 23:03:49 GMT

grr.

the stupid rec dance was cancelled cause of stupid rain and snow.

>:[

anyways. i know i havent updated in a while. a lot of stuff happened.

uhm... went to a surprise party for jason last saturday, that was awesome. then the next day, i did my science project and went over to jason's for the super bowl. which, too, was awesome.

then school was normal for the whole week, except tuesday.

tuesday i got to skip school and go into boston for the parade with kayne, andy, pat, jamie, and steph (all of whom are either my brothers or my brother's friends). it was cool. we had really good spots and could see the parade really well. they set up a jumbotron in the common, so we didnt have to fight our way into the plaza place.

anyways. back to today. yeah, the rec dance was cancelled due to snow and rain and stuff, even though the roads really arent that bad. and my brother totaled his car. completly and utterly.

now im stuck here with nothing to do. tomorrow, i have to go tryout for junior SEMSBA. im so unprepared for that... im thinking of faking sick just so i wont have to go; but the thing is, i really want to do it. blah.

someone do something tonight with moi.

Fri, 30 Jan 2004 12:18:15 GMT

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Moderate
Schizoid:	Moderate
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Moderate
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	High
Dependent:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

awesome.

Borderline
Borderline personality disorder is characterized by mood instability and poor self-image. People with this disorder are prone to constant mood swings and bouts of anger. Often, they will take their anger out on themselves, causing themselves injury. Suicidal threats and actions are not uncommon. They think in very black and white terms and often form intense, conflict-ridden relationships. They are quick to anger when their expectations are not met.

Avoidant
Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. They are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidant people yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence.

Dependent
Dependent personality disorder is characterized by a need to be taken care of. People with this disorder tend to cling to people and fear losing them. They may become suicidal when a break-up is imminent. They tend to let others make important decisions for them and often jump from relationship to relationship. They often remain in abusive relationships. They are overly sensitive to disapproval. They often feel helpless and depressed.

Obsessive-Compulsive
Obsessive-Compulsive personality disorder is similar to obsessive-compulsive anxiety disorder. People with this disorder are overly focused on orderliness and perfection. Their need to do everything "right" often interferes with their productivity. They tend to get caught up in the details and miss the bigger picture. They set unreasonably high standards for themselves and others, and tend to be very critical of others when they do not live up to these high standards. They avoid working in teams, believing others to be too careless or incompetent. They avoid making decisions because they fear making mistakes and are rarely generous with their time or money. They often have difficulty expressing emotion.

...awesome.

Tue, 27 Jan 2004 20:14:25 GMT

Walking on the streets of D.C.,
On the eastcoast where I live, You say what's the problem
What's with this angry kid
You don't like the way I walk, Or the way I talk,
Or the way I swing my hands,
You don't like the words I speak, or the thoughts I think
And I know you'll understand

You know,
On the eastcoast, we ride until we die.
You know,
Well there's a place inside my mind,
Yeah a place you'll never find,
There's a place inside my mind, We'll leave today

Wouldn't it be perfect if I could sit with you?
And we would change a thing or 2, we would change a thing or 2,
We would change the way you think, we would change the way I think,
We can't change the way they think so we're not changin' anything

You know
on the eastcoast, we ride until we die.
You know,
Well there's a place inside my mind,
Yeah a place you'll never find,
There's a place inside my mind, We'll leave today.

On the eastcoast we ride, until the day we die

w00t w00t.

so anyways, vicki's friend emailed me saying she was worried about her. worried she was going to kill herself.

:rolleyes:

god, shes amazing. in a very bad way.

i dunno.

she needs to stop reading my journal, though.

butterflies and chinese food?

Sun, 25 Jan 2004 18:24:31 GMT

buahaha for lame subjects.

anyways, i went to see the butterfly effect last night. haha, with my mom. haha. ha. hm. im such a loser.

no one was on line and i think i lost my school directory thing, so i dont know anyones number. so anyways, i went because i wanted to see that movie really god damn bad. andy went to see big fish with jamie, they like that.

the butterfly effect was awesome. ashton kutcher did a surprisingly great job in a dramatic role. the child and teenage actors also did fantastically. it is definitly one i want to see again.

came home, fell asleep on the couch a few times, then finally went to bed. i woke up early this morning, 9ish. basically did nothing. then we got chinese food for lunch, i had a LOT.

is stuffed.

and thats about it. i have to do my english rough draft. i should do my world geo, too, but we still havent gotten our outlines back! so the due date has been pushed back 3 times already, and will be again tomorrow. w00t.

Sun, 25 Jan 2004 04:47:15 GMT

http://www.venisproductions.com/movies/heyyacb.html

'nuff said.

Sat, 24 Jan 2004 03:50:30 GMT

today was good :)

beginning of the school day was good, then in spanish we had a midterm. which was very surprisingly easy.

so then i came home, and did nothing for a while. then there was a dance at the middle school, so i went for lack of anything better to do.

it was mucho fun.

so it was boring at first... but so what?

four words: grinding and i danced.

:O

yes, ME.

and yes, girls came up to me out of their own free will and grinded.

ME.

its like... woah. and then i danced out of MY own free will. it was fun.

my goal for the next dance is to slow dance with someone. might be a problem seeing as i am the shyest guy in the world and could never ask anyone to dance.

oh well! tonight was fun. i have a mock SAT thing tomorrow... so i gotta get some sleep.

Fri, 23 Jan 2004 00:41:07 GMT

just to be sure, to everyone on my friends list, there is a more detailed/accurate description thats locked.

hiya. today was okay.

whole day was average. a couple midterms, both easy.

came home and watched Moulin Rouge, which was awesome.

uhm. thats about it.

Wed, 21 Jan 2004 20:28:57 GMT

grr.

no one is updating their journals >:[

so, day 1 of midterms = over. tonight sucks though... i have a shitload of homework (DURING MIDTERMS! I KNOW!), i have a concert at 6:30, then american idol AND the oc are on! so i have, like, three hours to do my homework!

>___<

blahhhhh... then i have my science (easy) and world geo (HOLY FUCK IM GONNA FAIL) midterms tomorrow. spanish on friday, should be okay.

and my fucking parents are "thinking" about letting me go to the concert in february. which means im not going, most likely.

:dead:

but on a lighter note, i have $62. which means one of three things- A) tickets for the ev concert, B) tickets to go to north carolina, minnesota, or california, or C) CDs.

doot doot dee boot. wish me luck at my concert >__>

concertitis.

Mon, 19 Jan 2004 01:01:18 GMT

woo.

so, last night was fantabulistic.

i woke up at about ten, and just hung out for two hours. then i had basketball, which sucked because A) my coach wasnt there, B) the other team had to forfeit cause they had four players, but we played them anyways, except they got to have two good players play with them, and C) my feet were hurting a little and i didnt want them to cause i was going to be standing for a while.

after basketball, i took a shower and went on a few errands with my mom... except they were for me. went to the bank and got my check cashed so i could get something from the merch tables, got a disposable camera, stuff like that.

i got home and steph (my brothers girlfriend) showed up, so we left for worcester. we got there at about 5-ish and we had to wait for these people to come.

you see, when we ordered tickets, we chose the "best available" option. which we learned meant closet seats to the stage. so it gave us four floor tickets. now my dad, brother, and my brothers girlfriend, they didnt want to stand. so i found some people on the LPU willing to trade three good seat tickets for three floor tickets. (the person was Petey, for any LPUers reading this. hes an awesome kid, really funny and nice.)

so we met the people and exchanged tickets. there were two different lines for reserved seating and GA, so my brother and steph went to their line, while my dad insisted on waiting with me and the people >_<

there was this huge security mistake, and two of the security guys opened up two more doors for anyone with a ticket to get in. floor people had to get a wristband when the come into the stadium, but instead they told us to go to the main lobby, where floor people are supposed to be coming in. so when we went to get one, the head of security came up and asked us why we were swarming the lady with wristbands, and we told him... and i think some people got fired.

then i got down to the floor at about 6, an hour before the concert started. i was looking around for maranda, but i didnt see her. then ashley came and tapped me on the shoulder, so i hung out with her, her sister, and her sisters boyfriend for most of the time before the show.

finally, story of the year came out. they were awesome. i heard their live show was supposed to be great, and it was, but i also heard the band was very acrobatic and did a bunch of flips and stuff... there was only one time when the guitarist did, but it was really cool. they played enter sandman by metallica, i think that was the highlight of their performance. i went in a couple pits during their set, it was fun.

hoobastank came on, and they were good. nice and hard. went in three miny pits during their set. oh god, the highlight of their set was DEFINITLY the singer doing "girls just want to have fun" by cindy lauper... in falsetto! it was hilarious!

then i went to go get a drink cause my foot was cramping up a lot. i somehow pushed myself back to where i was before POD came on. they were alright. i really only liked when they sang the songs i knew... cause then i could sing. i was on the outside of a major pit, but i didnt go in cause i wanted to save some energy for pits while LP was on (mistake. pits were on the opposite side when LP was on :( *tear* i had too much energy for the rest of the night). but i did go in during their last song, "alive", just because... i dunno. that song pumps me up a lot.

then i forced myself to leave my really good spot cause i felt like i was gonna pass out and went to get a drink. i found ashley and asked her and her group if they wanted a drink, they all said no, but this guy said "hey, bottle of water!" i asked him for money and he gave me a five. i went and got a copuple bottles, chugged mine in two gulps, and went to try to push myself up to where i was before. i got about three quarters of the way there when people started to push back. i saw the guy and people saw i was giving him a bottle of water, so they let me through, and i used that as an excuse to get a little closer to where i was. he also let me keep the change, so i made 2.25! \m/ :p then LP came on... and they were unbelievable. their live performance is so good, its crazy. i used up about 15 pictures i had left on my camera on them. my favorites were breaking the habit, my december, one step closer (with sonny from POD) and then its going down (mike sang the first verse accapella! it was fucking awesome! then they got into the real song and chaz was playing guitar! got a couple pictures of that.) i was literally screaming the lyrics to every song (except for my december, which had me hugging myself and whispering the words to keep from crying) despite a humongous headache that nearly made me collapse a few times.

now my voice, ears, feet, and neck are all messed up. i cant sing well, theres a ringing in my ears still, i can hardly walk, and i cant move my neck in most ways. oh yeah. not a concert unless you have all these symptoms.

it took about an hour and a half to get home, i was falling asleep for a few minutes at a time. when i got home, i could barely get up out of the car, let alone to the house, nevermind up the stairs into bed. but i got there eventually. i slept til about one.

i had a couple people over to watch the pats game. it was awesome, cause the pats won. which means they own you.

now i have to go take tylenol cause i have a massive headache again.

\m/

-edit-
right. it was also sort of disappointing (the concert) because me and maranda were talking before the concert, and it turns out she is moving on monday. she gave me her cell phone number and i was supposed to call her. i called before SOTY came on, but the ohone wasnt on. then i called after hoobastank, and someone answered, but i couldnt hear her. after POD i called three times when i was getting water, but no one answered. the fourth time, someone answered, and i said "maranda?" but she said "who?" (i think) so now im afraid i had the wrong number >_< now im scared were never going to meet which is really painful... maranda's like an unbelievable big sister i love so much but never really had, and never really will now.

-edit 2-
i just started singing papercut to myself, i dont know why, but then i remembered how much i loved that during the show. it was an AMAZING performance of it, i cant believe i forgot it. i was singing so hard i started crying cause my throat hurt. it was fucking incredible.

Sun, 18 Jan 2004 18:23:59 GMT

goldengoaliex910 (1:15:09 PM): KK. go to livejournal and write an entry in mine saying that im dead tired and that im gonna write about last night later.
whitewingd1 (1:15:20 PM): lol
whitewingd1 (1:15:28 PM): okey dokers
goldengoaliex910 (1:16:01 PM): thank you... going to take a shower/clean/watch football with friends
whitewingd1 (1:16:13 PM): okey dokers =)
___________________

Do ya'll get the jist? gooooood...

I'M KK AND I'M AWESOME SO BWUHAHAHA

*had to take that opportunity*

big fish and third watch

Sat, 17 Jan 2004 04:12:30 GMT

so. today OWNED.

last night i had soccer practice with the A team (YES. im FINALLY on the A team!) and it was indoor, obviously. it was fun, i have a lot more endurance than i did during the fall season. when i came home, there were 351 schools that were closed in massachusetts. and hingham wasnt one of them. but my parents let me stay up til 10 30 or so watching ER.

when i woke up this morning, it was 9. so i didnt have school! i sat around doing nothing alllll day. watched the end of pirates of the carribean, played some more THUG. i called up zach and we went to see Big Fish.

it is reeeeeally reeeeeeeally good.

i LOVED it so much.

then i came home and watched Third Watch. i remember i used to beg my parents to let me stay up to watch the whole thing when it was on at 9 on mondays (my bedtime was 9 30) but they never let me. but i absolutely loved the show, and tonight i found myself wondering why i wasnt taking advantage of the move from monday to friday, cause now i can watch the whole thing. its such a good show.

so, tomorrow i have basketball and then... DUN DUN DUN. the concert! shall be very fun, im going into my first real mosh pit.

lets see, also doing homework tomorrow... then sunday, breakfast, homework, PATRIOTS GAME ON TV, homework, dinner, bed.

monday: breakfast, homework, lunch, homework, dinner, homework, bed.

w00t. somewhere along the way im probably gonna see Big Fish again.

Thu, 15 Jan 2004 20:47:43 GMT

HOLY FUXZORS.

evanescence is playing is boston again on the 29th of february!!!!!!

:dies x2139847239:

my parents neeeed to let me go. theres a presale happening right now i could be a part of, and im freaking out cause i want them to get home!

akfasjkfhbajfhbeurfbv.

:hyper cause hes excited:

Thu, 15 Jan 2004 11:53:38 GMT

never has a show brought up emotions in me like the oc has.

last night, i nearly died laughing, i nearly threw my shoe at the tv, and i nearly broke down in front of my dad and brother.

god. it is such a fucking good show.

and let me just say, oliver is a fucktard. i hate his guts. i know its just a tv show, but i want him to die. he pissed me off so bad.

and yes, i know its just a tv show.

thinking about it is making me angry again. grr.

Thu, 15 Jan 2004 00:40:49 GMT

[insert dumb way that screams "IM ANGRY" or "IM DEPRESSED" here]

[insert stupid line to get anyone to comfort me here]

[insert closing word, such as "gah," "fuck," or ":sigh:" here]

i want to apologize to annie, kaeley, and lisa, mainly. cause ive just been, like... fucked lately. i dont know what the fuck is going through my head. you are the best friends a kid could ask for (despite the hundreds of miles separating us) and im just pissing it all away and letting it all slip. and its just like... fuck, im so dumb. ive made so many stupid decisions in the past few months. even in the past few days. im becoming what i dont want to be anymore. im what i was. i hate it.

I loathe what I've become.

okay, seriously. im sorry. i know you all feel it to, that ive like... pushed away from you.

i just realized how lame that was. man, its like i go through phases. im fine most of the time, but then its like WHAM. LIFE SUCKS. i dont get it.

Wed, 14 Jan 2004 20:47:34 GMT

tuesday i went to, uhm... see my new doctor. i had an appointment at 9:30, so i got to sleep in. then the stupid guy was running late (already) and i didnt get out until about 10 50. i had to do my english outline, but i just decided not to. so i got to school right at my lunch, ate, then went to study and just sat there. i got in trouble in engligh for not having my outline done and for talking too much. then i had spanish and it was just average.

today was regular. i got six hours of sleep (again) so i was like, dying the whole day. science, chorus, math, world geo, health, and english all sucked more than they usually do. but in spanish, we had pomar for a sub, so we basically got to do nothing for the whole class. damn, that guy is awesome.

now im sitting here doing nothing. big shocker there.

so yeah, that whole thing about making someone hate me was false. but i had good reason to do it. everythings all sorted out now. so its all good?

yeah, ive been getting back into the PWT's more lately. theyre SO FUCKING GOOD. i mean... jeez! i wish i could get my hands on a legit copy of Come on Over. :tear:

oh right. ive concluded that people in my school like me. but not enough to want to, you know, interact with me.

later.

Tue, 13 Jan 2004 02:28:43 GMT

so, someone hates me now.

i feel bad.

so, anyways. today was okay, up until an hour ago. played basketball afterschool.

my new CD owns.

i did my world geo homework, but i didnt do my english. i figure ill do it during study.

:sigh:

im just... too preoccupied. im afraid ive ruined someones life.

i dunno. someone convince me im an okay person. please.

I am heaven sent.
Don't you dare forget.
I am all you've ever wanted.
What all the other boys all promised.
Sorry I told.
I just needed you to know.
I think in decimals and dollars.
I am the cause to all your problems.
Shelter from cold.
We are never alone.
Coordinate brain and mouth.
Then ask me what it's like to have myself so figured out.
I wish I knew.

I hope this song starts a craze.
The kind of song that ignites the airwaves.
The kind of song that makes people glad to be where they are with whoever they're there with.
This is war.
Every line is about who I don't wanna write about anymore.
I hope you come down with something they can't diagnose, don't have the cure for.
Holding on to your grudge.
Oh, it's so hard to have someone to love.
And keeping quiet is hard.
`Cause you can't keep a secret if it never was a secret to start.
At least pretend you didn't want to get caught.

We're concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, now throwing the fight.
I just wanna believe (x3)
...in us.

Oh, we are so controversial.
We are entirely smooth.
We admit to the truth.
We are the best at what we do.
And these are the words you wish you wrote down.
This is the way you wish your voice sounds.
Handsome and smart.
Oh, my tongue's the only muscle on my body that works harder than my heart.
And it's all from watching TV.
And from speeding up my breathing.
Wouldn't stop if I could.
Oh, it hurts to be this good.
You're holding on to your grudge.
Oh, it hurts to always have to be honest with the one that you love.
Oh, so let it go.

We're concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, now throwing the fight.
I just wanna believe. (x3)

We're concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, now throwing the fight.
I just wanna believe (x3)
...in us.

This is the craze only we can bestow.
This is the price you pay for loss of control.
This is the break in the bend.
This is the closest of calls.
This is the reason you're alone.
This is the RISE AND THE FALL

We're concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, now throwing the fight.
I just wanna believe. (x3)

We're concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, now throwing the fight.
I just wanna believe (x3)
...in us

ive found myself obsessed with this song. dunno why. lyrics, i guess.